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Family Support
Guidance, grief support and trusted organizations for parents, spouses, children, siblings and everyone who loved a veteran who died by suicide.
When a veteran dies by suicide, the loss affects far more than one person. Parents, spouses, children, siblings, friends and other loved ones may be left with grief, unanswered questions and a sudden change in their lives.
There is no single right way to grieve, and no timetable for finding a way forward.
Red Star Foundation is committed to honoring families affected by military, veteran and first responder suicide and helping them connect with people, organizations and resources that understand their experiences.
Whether your loss occurred recently or many years ago, support is available.
Red Star Foundation provides recognition, community connections and help finding resources. It is not a crisis service or a mental health treatment provider. For counseling, please contact a licensed mental health professional or one of the organizations listed on this page.
Grief after suicide can feel overwhelming. If you are in emotional crisis or concerned about your immediate safety, trained support is available.
Grief after a suicide loss is often described as different from other kinds of grief. The death may be sudden, the questions may be difficult, and the people around you may not know what to say. Some family members experience:
These experiences vary from person to person. Some people feel many of them, some feel few, and they may come and go. None of them means you are grieving the wrong way.
Grief does not follow a fixed set of stages or a set schedule. It may feel intense one day and quieter the next, and it can return strongly around anniversaries, holidays or unexpected reminders. Family members who loved the same person may also grieve in very different ways and on different timelines. Giving one another room for those differences can ease strain within a family.
Many families find themselves replaying conversations or searching for a reason. Suicide rarely has a single cause; it usually involves many factors, some of which may never be known. Asking “why” is a common part of grief. Over time, many survivors find that the questions become less all-consuming, even if they are never fully answered. Family members should not carry the weight of a death they could not have predicted or controlled.
Many people find support from family, friends, faith communities and other survivors. Grief counseling or care from a qualified mental health professional may help when grief makes it hard to get through daily life, when distressing memories or images will not let up, or when you are worried about your own safety or someone else’s. Asking for that help is a sign of care, not weakness. The VA offers no-cost bereavement counseling through Vet Centers for eligible surviving spouses, children and parents, and the directory’s Counseling & Therapy category lists other options.
Losing a son or daughter at any age is a profound loss. Parents of veterans who died by suicide may be grieving an adult child while also carrying questions about their child’s military service, their experiences after leaving the military, and the changes the loss brings to the whole family. Many parents also find that others overlook their grief because their child was an adult with a life of their own.
Mothers of veterans who died by suicide often say that being with other mothers who have lived through the same loss helps them feel less alone. Ways to find that support include:
Red Star Foundation also connects mothers with one another through Red Star Families. Read how Red Star Moms honor the mothers of military, veteran and first responder suicide loss.
Every father grieves in his own way. Some want to talk about their son or daughter often; others express grief through action, work, projects or quiet reflection. Some find it hard to put the loss into words, especially when people around them expect them to hold the family together. All of these are ways of grieving.
Surviving spouses and partners often grieve while suddenly carrying responsibilities they used to share. Common concerns include:
Connecting with other surviving spouses and partners, through TAPS, suicide-loss support groups or grief counseling, can help with both the emotional and the practical side of the loss. Surviving spouses may be eligible for VA bereavement counseling through Vet Centers. Learn how Red Star Foundation honors Red Star Wives.
Eligibility for VA survivor benefits, such as Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC), survivor pension, health care, education and burial benefits, depends on the veteran’s service, the circumstances of the death, the survivor’s relationship and other rules. A death by suicide does not, by itself, make a family eligible or ineligible. Each claim is reviewed individually.
Start with the VA’s official survivors and dependents information, and consider help from an accredited veterans service officer. The directory also lists VA Benefits & Claims, Financial Assistance and Legal Assistance resources. This page is general information, not legal or financial advice.
Children and teenagers understand and express grief differently depending on their age, development, personality and family circumstances. A young child may ask the same questions many times or show grief through play. A teenager may turn to friends, withdraw, or seem fine one day and overwhelmed the next. Their grief often resurfaces as they reach new ages and milestones.
Changes in behavior, school performance, sleep, eating, friendships or mood that last or worsen can be reasons to ask for guidance from a pediatrician, school counselor or qualified child grief professional. If a child or teen talks about wanting to die or not being safe, contact 988 or emergency services right away.
Children’s grief programs offer peer groups, camps and guidance for caregivers. The Dougy Center provides grief resources for children, teens and the adults who care for them, and TAPS offers programs for children of fallen service members and veterans. Browse the directory’s Children and Grief & Surviving Families categories for more options, including local programs.
Suicide bereavement reaches brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends, fellow veterans and military colleagues. Their grief is real whether or not they are legal next of kin, even though it is sometimes overlooked. If you are one of them:
This general guidance is organized by need, not by deadline. It is not legal, financial or medical advice, and no family has to complete every item or follow a set order. Ask others to help wherever you can.
These organizations come from approved listings in Red Star Foundation’s national directory, and each one’s stated population includes surviving families. The information shown is the current listing information; confirm eligibility and availability directly with each organization. The VA’s survivors of suicide loss page also names TAPS, Alliance of Hope and AFSP as non-VA resources for survivors.
A Red Star Verified Resource badge appears only for organizations that completed Red Star’s directory verification review. Directory approval and verification are not clinical accreditation and do not guarantee services or outcomes.
24/7 TAPS survivor helpline; peer connections and loss support.
VA support and links to TAPS, Alliance of Hope, Vet Centers, benefits.
No-cost outreach, counseling and referrals; suicide death explicitly included.
Combat-veteran peers connect callers to local Vet Center services.
VA postvention information and education for survivors.
Moderated 24/7 forum plus group programs for grieving parents and partners.
AFSP lists external groups as public service, does not operate/endorse all of them.
Peer conversations after loss; not clinical crisis treatment.
Suicide-loss support, peer and bereavement resources.
Grief support resources; check eligibility for direct local services.
Hundreds of locations; filter by state, age and free services.
Guidance on applicable survivor compensation, health, education and burial.
DIC and Survivor Pension eligibility varies; requires individualized claim review.
Free first Banner and Service Pin for eligible Red Star Families; video storytelling, nonclinical peer connection, outreach, suicide-prevention education and referrals.
Explore All Grief & Family Support ResourcesResources for Red Star Families
Red Star Foundation works to prevent suicide among current military, veterans and first responders while providing hope, recognition and connection to the families left behind.
Red Star Families are the parents, spouses, children, siblings and loved ones of military personnel, veterans and first responders lost to suicide. Learn about Red Star Families.
The Red Star Service Banner and Service Pin recognize families of current military, veterans and first responders who died by suicide. Banners are provided free of charge to the direct next of kin; additional banners may be purchased. Request a banner.
Red Star Foundation is building a Peer-to-Peer Network to connect families with others who understand their loss. Peer support offers community and understanding; it is not clinical treatment and does not replace a licensed mental health professional.
Through Red Star Voices, family members may choose to share their stories, with their consent, to reduce stigma and encourage connection. Sharing is always voluntary, and there is no expectation that any family take part.
Read why Red Star Foundation calls attention to the Forgotten Families of military and veteran suicide, and see the facts on our veteran suicide research hub.
Search Red Star Foundation’s national directory by state or ZIP code. The search starts with Grief & Surviving Families selected; you can also choose Children, Navigation & Family Support, Counseling & Therapy, Peer & Community Support and other categories.
Prefer to browse? Search the National Resource Directory or start with Navigation & Family Support.
Friends, neighbors, coworkers and communities can make a real difference in the months and years after a loss. Every family is different, so let them guide you.
Some families welcome public recognition or involvement in programs; others prefer privacy. Both are valid, and neither is required for healing.
Mothers can connect with other bereaved parents through military and veteran suicide-loss organizations such as TAPS, through suicide-loss support groups listed by AFSP and Alliance of Hope, and through grief counseling. The VA says a surviving parent of a veteran or service member who died by suicide may be eligible for no-cost bereavement counseling through Vet Centers. Red Star Foundation also connects mothers with other Red Star Families. Support for parents
Yes. Some groups are specifically for military and veteran families, such as TAPS peer support and events. Others are open to anyone bereaved by suicide, including local and online groups you can find through AFSP's support group search. Group availability, format and eligibility vary, so check details with each organization. Organizations for military and veteran suicide loss
The VA's survivors of suicide loss page names TAPS, Alliance of Hope and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, alongside VA bereavement counseling and chaplain services. Red Star Foundation's national directory lists these and other organizations in its Grief & Surviving Families category. Organizations and resources
Some can. Eligibility for VA survivor benefits such as Dependency and Indemnity Compensation depends on the veteran's service, the circumstances of the death, the survivor's relationship and other rules. A death by suicide does not by itself make a family eligible or ineligible. Check current requirements with the VA or an accredited representative. Survivor benefits and financial assistance
Use honest, age-appropriate words, let the child ask questions over time, reassure them that the death was not their fault, and keep routines as steady as you can. Children's grief programs such as The Dougy Center and the National Alliance for Children's Grief offer guidance for caregivers. Talk with a pediatrician, school counselor or qualified grief professional if you are concerned about a child. Helping children
Postvention is the support offered after a suicide death to the people affected by it: family, friends, coworkers, fellow service members and communities. It can include grief support, peer connection, practical help and attention to the wellbeing of those who are grieving. The VA and TAPS both offer postvention resources.
Often, yes. TAPS describes its suicide-loss support as open to anyone who lost a family member, loved one, colleague, friend or battle buddy to suicide during or after service. Some other benefits and programs are limited to specific relatives, so eligibility depends on the program. Support for siblings, friends and extended family
Peer programs, survivor support groups, online communities and survivor events bring people with similar losses together. Options include TAPS peer mentors, AFSP Healing Conversations, Alliance of Hope's online community and the Red Star Peer-to-Peer Network.
A Red Star Family is the family of a current military member, veteran or first responder who died by suicide, including parents, spouses, children, siblings and other loved ones. Red Star Foundation honors these families through recognition and connection. Red Star Families
Families can complete Red Star Foundation's banner request form with their information and their loved one's details. The first Red Star Service Banner and Service Pin are provided free of charge to the direct next of kin; additional banners may be purchased. Request a banner
Search Red Star Foundation's national directory by state or ZIP code and choose Grief & Surviving Families. Location results include local programs along with nationwide phone, text and online services. AFSP's support group search also lists local and virtual groups. Find support near you
No. Red Star Foundation provides recognition, community connection and resource navigation. It does not provide crisis intervention, counseling or clinical treatment. In a crisis, call or text 988 (veterans and service members can press 1), or call 911 if someone is in immediate danger.
More resources: AFSP resources for suicide loss survivors · Veteran suicide prevention guide · Veteran suicide prevention organizations
Written by Red Star Foundation. Published . This page provides general information and is not medical, legal or financial advice.
